connecting | Up Front Communication

So you are not outspoken…

Mar 11, 2014 Posted by sergy@upfrontco.com Confidence Comments Off

There are people who come to me for help because they love speaking and want to get better at it.

There are people who come to me for help because they are terrified of speaking, because they are desperately uncomfortable being heard and raising their voice, or because their shyness has started to get in the way of their work.

Invariably at some point, the fearful or reluctant to-be speakers express the same reservation: “But I’m just not an outspoken person!” (Or, as often as not, “but I’m not outspoken like you!”*)

Here’s the flaw in that statement: they’ve equated being outspoken with speaking out.

Take a moment and bring to mind someone you consider outspoken. The most likely image is someone bubbly, boisterous, and probably a bit larger-than-life. You may love them or hate them, but they are impossible to ignore. They usually have bags of energy and say what’s on their mind, damn the consequences – and for some bizarre reason they can get away with it.

Now think of someone you’ve seen speak out. They are absolutely impassioned about their message and what they have to say,** but that’s where the similarities end. Some people think of a person with a soft voice and demeanour. Others conjure up an image of someone with fire blazing in their eyes who simply couldn’t keep quiet any longer. Others still think of a person who stood up with a carefully prepared message, notes in hand; maybe the paper trembled. Sometimes the speaker has a raised voice, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes their words are strong and powerful, sometimes they are hesitant and tremulous. In all cases, though, their message is heard. Their message is important.

Speaking out is about delivering an important message.

It requires you to open your heart. It requires you to open your mouth.

But it does not require you to be outspoken.

*I find the “I’m not outspoken like you” comment hilarious, probably because I have to muster up a pretty considerable amount of courage to don an ‘outspoken’ mantle. It is exhausting work.

**That’s what makes speaking out so courageous; the message is so important that it becomes bigger than the speaker’s fear. But this is a topic for another day.

Off the Introspective Cuff

Sep 27, 2013 Posted by sergy@upfrontco.com Connecting Comments Off

One of the keys to being able to ramble out a good, solid off-the-cuff or spontaneous speech is introspection – and lots of it.

The purpose behind this introspection isn’t to indulge in endless navel-gazing. That’s what Facebook and Instagram are for. This self-reflection is to develop an acute awareness of your values, your personal drivers, and your thoughts on life, the universe, and everything.*

When making spontaneous speeches, we need to rely on tidbits of information that we hold in our head. There isn’t time to ponder and compose an answer, and we may be lacking data critical to making an informed argument. We can, however, always give our opinion on matters. This is where the introspection comes in: if we spend time thinking about how our own brain works, we can address subjects from a personal angle. This may not result in a speech with heavy hitting evidence and data to back up your opinion, but it will result in something (relatively) thoughtful. You can speak to how you think about the topic or situation, about what affects your views and opinions, about how it relates to your own context. And – prize of prize – you can do so with sincerity because you are ultimately revealing a part of yourself to your audience, and you take the time to think about yourself and your context.

Speaking is about sharing. We don’t always have the luxury of being able to share facts, but we can always share a piece of ourselves. But in order to share ourselves, we must understand ourselves first.

*42.

Interest

Sep 18, 2013 Posted by sergy@upfrontco.com Charisma Comments Off

If you want to be interesting, you must be interested.

Be interested in everything; be interested in current events, in culture, in daily life. Be interested in new ways of doing things, in activities you’ve never tried, in subjects you don’t know much about.

Definitely be interested in the people you are talking to. The more interested you are about them – the more questions you ask them and the more opportunity you give them to tell their story – the more interested they’ll be in you. They’ll wonder why it is that you are so interested in them, why you are giving them the precious gift of time and attention. They’ll start to wonder about you, ask you questions in turn, and remember you in greater detail.

The key is to make this interest genuine. It may seem next to impossible to display real interest in something you find really dull, but usually there is at least a silver thread of fascination in just about any topic. If you find yourself having difficulty finding a subject interesting, drill down into it and find some way that it affects you on a personal level. If the person you are talking to is desperately boring, ask them questions and then ask more questions for every answer until they reveal some odd or delightful nugget. The fact that the interesting nugget is unexpected will make it even more interesting. If you are having trouble finding some glimmer of interest in that person, you either haven’t asked enough questions or you aren’t really listening to them. We humans are an odd bunch, which means endless opportunity for fascination if you are willing to look hard enough.

Approach just about everything you encounter with open curiosity. The interest-rebound effect that it has on you is due to the fact that it expands your worldview, increases the breadth of subjects you can converse about, and encourages others to be interested as well.

The added advantage, of course, is that it also makes life a whole lot more fun.

How-to: Writing Recommendations for LinkedIn Contacts

Aug 25, 2013 Posted by sergy@upfrontco.com Connecting Comments Off

Lately, I have been brushing up my LinkedIn profile. If you don’t use LinkedIn, I strongly recommend that you create a profile. It really is a great way to keep in touch with professional and business contacts and build your professional network.

LinkedIn has a couple of different tools you can use to vet the work, skills, and abilities of your contacts: Endorse and Recommend. Endorsements allow you to either click on skills that already appear in your contact’s profile or enter in new skills. This “endorses” the skills that appear on your contact’s profile; other people will see your name and photo beside that skills. It effectively states that you agree that the contact possesses those particular abilities.

Recommend is an even stronger tool. It lets you write a few sentences describing the work and abilities of your contact; you can describe what it is like to work with this person, how having them as a colleague or business associate has affected you, and how they will benefit other employers or clients. It is like a mini-referral. Recommendations appear under the relevant work title of the contact, which puts the recommendation into context. You can send messages through LinkedIn requesting recommendations from other people and post recommendations to anyone in your contacts list.

As you can tell, I’m a fan. The only problem is that LinkedIn’s current interface makes it tricky to find the Recommend function. I’ve had several people ask me how to do this, so I’ve created the following tutorial to guide you through the process. Enjoy!

Note: For best viewing quality, watch the tutorial on YouTube using the ‘Large Player’ setting.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikwCqS8SoXc&w=420&h=315]

Are you a LinkedIn user? If so, what are your favourite features?

This is my art

May 1, 2013 Posted by sergy@upfrontco.com Personal 1 comment

“Art is the narrative of being alive. [. . .] The pain of facing the void where art lives is part of the deal, our stretching into a better self.”

-Seth Godin, The Icarus Deception –

Speaking is my art. Communication is my art. Bringing this art to others through coaching, training, writing, and presenting is my art. I love this art so much that it frightens me. It’s power and temporality of it makes me shiver. It is my muse, and while I always fear destroying that muse in front of others, I also know that if I neglect it then it will neglect me.

The best way to ensure I never neglect my muse is by bringing my art to others and showing them how to make it their art as well.

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